February 27, 2008

Tears..

The tears in my heart..

No one even noticed..

i can hear the cracking of my heart

the sound piercing my ears

too deep

why am I here today?
I don’t know where to find the answer

im just a body without its soul

Im breathing without living

Im smiling with no happiness

Sometimes I asked myself..

How many longer I can hold?

The sky is so high..

I cant even see the end

My life is so blind

I coudnt even find the way

I keep seaching the reason

To stay in this world as I meant to be

The night is so cold

And im laying on bed with no one to hold

my life is like a song

manipulated by the composer

there’s lines that I have to follow

I can only smile to satisfy them

I feel secured being with those I love

But how many longer can they stay with me

When will they step away from my life?

This question keeps threatening me

I can only march on

Im too afraid to lose till

I don’t have the courage to own

If I could be the wind

I will go to a place faraway

The place that only belongs to happiness

Im still me, nobody can change me

happiness is temporary but sufferings seemed permanent

I choose to live on, I would have to be strong

Playing in my minds repeatedly is my regrets

I accelerate the thought of sadness

Counting my wrongdoings, shameful

The people I hurt

I cannot forgive myself for end up like this

The sun shining upon me

Trying to convinced that the hopes are there for me

But the gravity holds me tight to ground

Didn’t let me escaped to fantasy anymore

Life..life..life

Why was I agreed to live in this cruel world?

Now that I cant regret

If I die now..

I die as nothing but a loser

But still, slowly..

I scratched a razor in deep my arms

the hot red blood rushing down

Pains in the arm flows away the pain in my heart

Im a little bit tired of watching the red liquid filled my body

Im closing my eyes

The sad moments still playing in the atmosphere

Like a movie that has no end

The pain in both my body and soul is incresing

Tears suddenly run down my face

Will this sadness stop pressing me

I tried to open my eyes

But I cant

I can still feel the blood slowly coming from the wound

I feel numb

Suddenly I see the faces of those I love most

I can see myself smiling doing things I like

The smile that comes from the heart

I never thought I ever smile like that before

Now that I regret.. am I already too late?

Im walking alone in the dark

Through the path that filled with the things I ve done

Am I dying?

I cant hear my heartbeats anymore

I cant feel the warm of my blood

Im sitting alone in confused

When will I wake up from this dream?

Am I not going to wake up anymore?

Is my life ends at the edge of the razor?

Is me the one who decide whether to live or die?

Tears keep running in confused~

p/s: this one quite emo ayte?haha...i cant believe i wrote something like that~lol